Typical complaints and or myths that patients have about their bodies and medicine in general:
“I have a burning in my urine and now it has spread to my rectum causing me diarrhoea”.
“I feel really cold and if I don’t get a blanket, I’m going to get pneumonia.”
“I hear that you can remove the appendix without any incisions at all.”
“I’m allergic to all antibiotics”
“Neurologists are the richest doctors. They drive Mercedes. ”
“I going to go to the most famous doctor in the big city. That way, I’m guaranteed that the surgery will be a success”
“My insurance is really good. Here it is” (hands registrar Medicaid card)
“There is no way I could have gotten AIDS. I never took it in the butt.”
“Call the president of the hospital, I’m sure he’ll want to know that I’m here.”(at 3am)
“I got the flu from the flu shot”
feel free to add to this list.
“I have fibromyalgia, and it’s not all in my head – I need narcotics. Honest.”
Cataracts… they just treat that with lasers these days, right? (NOT)
“There’s no way I could be pregnant, he pulled out.”
I wish the appendix thing was true.
M
‘I have a really high tolerance for pain.’
“I have brittle diabetes.” What the Hell is brittle diabetes anyway? Just means you’re not controlling it well.
I know the bottle says “No Refills” but my doctor wants me to be on it forever. (Always after 5PM on a friday or a weekend)
My throat hurts; I need antibiotics.
The flu shot one always kills me
And any modification on “I can’t be pregnant” after “yes, I’m having unprotected sex”
“I can’t be pregnant, I’m using protection!”
(my sister the teen mom proves otherwise :p)
any “there’s no reason my asthma should be so bad” after a “I only take my controller when I remember”
“I treat my chronic health condition with homeopathy!”
“Magnets help with my osteoarthritis!”
“Chiropractic can help anything!”
“It’s all-natural so it’s safer/better/more effective/good for you/etc”
(so’s belladonna, but that doesn’t mean I want to eat it…)
“I am allergic to diphenhydramine but I can take Benadryl.” from a psych pt
“I can feel when my blood pressure is high”
“If I don’t get antibiotics this will turn into pneumonia”
All I had to drink was two beers.
N/V/D = influenza (in the absence of flu-like symptoms)
My temp is always low so 99F is a fever for me.
“I want a second opinion” = I want antibiotics
“Do you have any medical troubles?”
“No”
“Do you take any regular medications?”
“Oh, yes… I’m on warfarin, simvastatin, atenolol…”
“I’m very intuitive. I just know it’s my [random organ]”
“I think I had a seizure because of all the stress at work.” – the long-term epileptic patient had skipped their valproate for a week.
“Blah blah blah morgellons blah blah chemtrails blah flouride in my water blah blah harsh chemicals blah blah vaccines blah” *eats a triple cheeseburger*
“I don’t know how I have the stomach flu. I got the flu shot!”
“I couldn’t get to a pharmacy for my Avelox until today, but I took some left over penicillin to hold me over.”
I am allergic to ALL medicines. I can’t go to doctors because they will give me medicines and I am allergic to ALL of them. (said by a patient who had just spent 30 minutes listing health issues…)
“My three year old felt warm and was shaking, so she must be cold. That’s why I wrapped her up in a snowsuit and this down comfortor, I don’t want her to get chilly. And no, I didn’t take her temperature or give tylenol. That’s YOUR job.” – Parent of every 103.9 febrile child that comes to the ED.
“My three year old felt warm and was shaking, so she must be cold. That’s why I wrapped her up in a snowsuit and this down comforter, I don’t want her to get chilly. And no, I didn’t take her temperature or give tylenol. That’s YOUR job.” – Parent of every 103.9 febrile child that comes to the ED.
- “did the medicine I prescribed you during your last visit help?”
“no, not at all”
“did you take it?”
“no”
- My previous doctor was a moron, you have to know what’s wrong with me this instant.
My daughters classmate has a brother who’s just started medical school. They think I might have caught von Gierke’s disease. That’s why I need my tonsils out.
Do you smoke?
Not much.
How much is not much?
Oh, only about 3 packets a day. So why do I have this cough?
I assume the appendix thing is a result of all the pop press coverage lavished on that press release about removing the appendix via the vagina.
The flu shot one annoys me the most. Someone anti-vaccine once asked me if I’d feel guilty if an immunocompromised person got the flu from my kid after she got the flu from her flu shot. I didn’t even know what to say.
“i want to go by ambulance so i get seen faster.”
@wanderer – That one I can sort of understand. For me, my normal temperature is under 98.2 F. Over 99.0 F means that I’m either sick, or coming down with something.
On the other hand, I’ve never gone to the emergency room (or even called my doctor) just because I had a fever.
not to bore you, but here are ten ready made responses for your ten myths.-…1- bacterial prostatitis, take this cipro. 2-you have pneumonia. 3- i am referring you to manila. 4- and all narcotics. 5- carefully. 6-visit the best plaintiff’s attorney, too. 7- please take a seat. 8- ok. 9- no, i’m going straight to obama. 10- good, you are now immune. erp, you are welcome. get some sleep.
I was only going 55 mph. (Said after being pulled out of a van v. tree that the tree won.)
I think my kid caught autism from his vaccine
Fresh off the insanity wire. Cousin ODs for the 10th time using heroin (he’s 24). His M
mom, “He’s not a drug addict. Drug addicts don’t finish high school.”
Best part. Shot up in a Big Box store parking lot. The cart crew let his ass sit there for 2 hours til the new shift came on. They didn’t want to do the paper work.
Usually I agree with what nurseK has to say. This time, however I have to say “not always”.
“Brittle” diabetes is sometimes used to describe the condition of patients who have frequent swings in blood glucose levels from very high to very low. It’s natural for blood glucose to rise and fall during the day in response to meals, exercise, and other influences. However, people with brittle diabetes (sometimes called labile diabetes) often experience drops and peaks in blood glucose so severe that they require medical attention.
Brittle diabetes is more common in people with type 1 diabetes, but it also can occur in type 2 diabetes. Certain medical conditions may be linked to brittle diabetes, such as gastroparesis and some endocrine disorders, such as hypothyroidism.” (http://www.johnshopkinshealthalerts.com/alerts/diabetes/JohnsHopkinsDiabetesAlert_3541-1.html) The article does go on to say that “most often” brittle diabetes is a sign of a struggle for control. There are exceptions to every “rule”.
“What do you mean you’re not going to x-ray me for my non-traumatic trapezius muscle strain?”
I work in global public health and yet I hear the vaccine idiocy from *colleagues*. Not clinical colleagues, but STILL.
I always wonder if those are the same people who believe in crazy conspiracy theories. Regardless, they should choose another profession.
“I don’t have diabetes, just a touch of the shugah”
“You HAVE to give me the drugs I ask for !”
“Brittle” diabetes is often used (likely incorrectly) when an insulin-dependent diabetic is changing insulin regimens. This is a painstaking process that can take up to 6 months to settle down. Even testing every 4 hours your blood sugars can wander all over the place until you get things right. It’s HELL!!!