;
Every time we get a drunk person in the ER and it looks like they are going to be around for a while (ie no sober family member or friend there that’s willing to sign their life away and take them home), we undress the patient and catalogue all his or her personal belongings. I like to read the effects register since drunks sometimes carry interesting things. Usually there is only a dollar bill or two, a lighter, or something like that but occasionally it’s more entertaining.
Recently a guy was carrying a small tote bag. Of course when you take the stuff out, you need to wear double layer gloves since who knows what crap (sometimes literally) you’ll find in there. Anyway, after finding a early 90′s cellphone with no battery and a plastic baggie filled with paperclips (WTF?!) we got to the guy’s most prized possession – a nice travel sized collection of porn. A few DVD”s and a bunch of pocketbook sized magazines all neatly bundled together with rubber bands.
People usually go for a single type of porn fetish but this guy had a nice assortment. Well balanced and thought out. Book-ended by some naughty babysitter stuff, he had representation of numerous sexual acts (S and M, DP, Anal, Group, Interracial, etc) as well as a few vintage (circa 1980′s) things featuring John Holmes and Ginger Lynn. A true connoisseur. We had to catalogue each title and write it down in the register – but the security guard refrained from writing “One copy of Double Penetrating MILFs” and just instead put it down as “One pornographic magazine”. Phooey.
;
“I’m, um, selling them on eBay.”
The picture reminds me of something a pro wrestler used to say. Wrestling legend Ric Flair had a famous policy regarding women that he decided to lay the f*ckdown on…
“No hair, no Flair.”
He preferred a Murkin mound that trapped a little..um…odor, as opposed to a clean-shaven clam.
The saddest set inventory I ever had to write contained only one change of clothes, in need of washing, an empty bottle of liquor, a wallet with nothing but ID, and several calling cards for various ‘ladies of the evening’ in a nearby city. Nothing says bad day like an empty bottle and teasers for hookers you can’t afford.