ERP: Ma’am, what brings you in today?
Ms Chandelier : I got some pain down there.
Mr Aloof (bf of patient sitting there stuffing french fries down his gaping maw) : Yeah, and she stink.
ERP: Have you two been using condoms?
Ms Chandelier : Mostly
ERP: Discharge?
Mr Aloof : Munch, munch, munch. Yeah, Doc.
ERP: OK, […]

In my state, when paramedics pick up a patient, they need to call in report to the attending physician - usually the one at the hospital where they are dispatched from. If they are taking a patient to another hospital, that physician calls over to the other location to give report. Often the […]

Who among you thinks that it is a bit unethical, medically risky, and otherwise irresponsible for a doctor to get a 53 year old woman pregnant with her second IVF, donor-egg pregnancy in two years?
Recently we had just such a patient present in acute decompensated cardiogenic shock and rapid atrial fibrillation, requiring intubation, pressors, and […]

I remember in residency a little quick bedside teaching point that a very funny, sarcastic ER attending with a dark sense of humour gave me. I asked about the workup of a woman with vaginal bleeding and started blathering on about the huge differential diagnosis, etc. He shushed me and drew me the following flow […]

After all, you came in at 1 am for “hot flashes”. So maybe your 21 year old ovaries are failing!
Or NOT. More likely you have the friggin’ flu. See, there is a positive flu swab. Now go home and chill out with your Tamiflu and stop worrying about your ovaries!

Here is a message to all you internists out there who run a primary care practise. The vagina will not bite you. It will not tear off your fingers. It will not cause you irreparable harm. In fact, if you examine it once and a while, you might make its owner a […]

Q: How are pain in the vagina and anus for two months after eating related?
A: They are not unless you are defining eating as shoving food up your vagina or anus.