Me: “Hi, is this the surgical resident on call?”

Dr Snot:”Yeah”

Me: “Well, I have a patient here who initially went to their PMD a few days ago for weakness and was found to have afib….”

Dr Snot (interrupting me): “And HOW then can I help you?!”

Me: “You can start by letting me finish you arrogant little brat.”

Two guys drink themselves to within 10 g/DL of 500 then drive themselves into a pole. Luckily their smash in the car was at low speed compared to how smashed they were.
They spend the night in the ER making drunken jokes in Spanish to each other.

Me: “So how much do you smoke Sir?”

Mr Aveloar-Coalescence: “Two packs a day. I increased it from one pack because I find it makes my COPD better.”