Look who’s making extra bucks when he’s not sleeping through his overnight shift! It’s Happy Hospitalist! Actually I bet he’s doing it for free since he gets to stand next to a tractor.
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*Today’s modern ER’s will have some of the most advanced medical equipment available

Mrs Buttocks:  “Dr, my husband  (indicates to patient) has a bad family history.  His brother and his bad both went bald early and had heart attacks.  My husband is already bald so I am worried he also might be a risk to having a heart attack”

Mr Dickus (visibly annoyed): “Yeah, well at least I also inherited my Dad’s big penis.  Is hair more important to you?  No.  I thought so.”

Me: “OK, sir, any more questions?

Mr Epistaxis (with his nose packed with a balloon): “Yeah, just one more very important one.’

Me: “Yes?”

Mr Epistaxis: “Can I drink?”

Me: “Sure”

Mr Epistaxis: “I mean beer”

Me: “Oh. Yeah, I guess, sure, why not?”

Mr Epistaxis: “Good. Can I drink two or three beers?”