Sometimes life deals you a bad one-two punch. For this unfortunate elderly lady it was in the form of falling on her left side and smashing both her hip AND her humerus.  Talk about some rehab time.

Patient: My doctor sent me in to see a neurologist.

Me: OK, why?

Patient: I don’t know, he just said I should.

Me: OK, who is your doctor?

Patient: I don’t remember.

Me. When did you see him?

Patient: I have no idea.

Me: OK, who did he say you were supposed to see?

Patient: I don’t know, I think it is supposed to be a neurologist.

Me: OK, we’ll take care of you.

Me: “Do you know where the nurse is who is taking care of Mr Neglect in room 14?”

Nurse: “She is on break.”

Me: “OK, who is covering her?”

Nurse: “I am not sure but I think she also just went to break.”

Me: Bangs head on desk.

Quick rant here. I read with expected horror yet another article about how religious (and many political) conservatives mostly clustered in Southern states (what a surprise) have been introducing and pushing educational bills through their various state legislatures which champion “theories” of intelligent design, creationism, as well as questioning global warming. Probably spurred on by the mentally disturbed like Glen Beck, they want teachers to either give equal time to these antiquated theories or to overtly question mainstream science in their classrooms. These fundamentalist Christians ultimately want to end the separation of church and state. Next thing you know bills will be passed down there that mandate teaching that homosexuality is a disease, that sex is evil, and that women who wear makeup are “trollops”.

This just strikes fear into me. Fear that a large portion of our children in this country may be left in the scientific backwater created by these regressive thinkers. They will believe in long dis-proven or impossible to prove ideas of how our world and bodies work. They will forever be the laughing stock of the rest of the educated world. They will continue to vote for politicians who think it is the 1600’s and that the Sun revolves around the earth. They will continue to stifle intellectual progress in our country when they grow up.

If you want to teach this stuff in Church or in Sunday School, fine. It is a free country. However, I would be DAMNED if my children went to a public school that I was supporting with tax dollars that forced this junk down their throats. Religious teaching belongs in religious schools and facilities - or at least Universities where students have a choice was to what to study, not public schools where Jews, Muslims, Atheists, Agnostics, Hindus, and every one else may send their children.

Please I entreat you, any religious minorities, atheists, agnostics, and other free thinkers, PLEASE run for office in these states! I know it will be a hard road but eventually some of you may win. Eventually you may balance out these zealots who in my opinion should be concentrating on bills that provide jobs, tax breaks, medical coverage, and infrastructure improvement over ones that appease their desire to prosthetise the world.

OK, I am done. Thanks and sorry if I offended. Back to your regularly scheduled medical stuff tomorrow.

It really sucks when it is so busy that you don’t get a chance to eat for 8-12 hours. I am not counting poaching a Jello cup from the patient refrigerator - I mean able to sit down for 10 or 15 min and eat some left overs from the night before or some semi-edible grub from the cafeteria. You basically wait til you see the opportunity (like a short track speed skater waiting to make a pass) and then seize it. You suddenly realise everyone is on a holding pattern no one needs to be seen right away. Off you go. You decide to rush off to the cafeteria and hopefully there is something there that is not totally laden with fat and sodium that actually tastes good. You stand in line anxiously awaiting your turn to pay so you can scarf down that potato casserole thing (I guess they call it “hot dish” in the mid-west). Unfortunately fate can be cruel. Your beeper may go off, there may be several elderly people in front of you taking a million years to count out pennies to pay for their Boston Creme Pie, You may have forgotten money yourself. Or worse, the person in front of you may suddenly get lightheaded and syncopise right there in the check out line. You will then have to abandon your anticipated nourishing behaviour and put your food down. You will have to run the rapid response call right there in front of the register while everyone gawks. You will have to help put the person on the stretcher and then accompany them over to the ER. Alas, they will be your next patient and you will remain hungry.

He’s done.

He spent a large part of his 46 years hittin’ the bottle.  He spent the last year or so in and out of the hospital with GI bleeding, cirrhosis, Hepatic Encephalopathy, and infections.  he spent the last night of his life intubated while a gastroenterologist worked furiously to stop bleeding in his esophagus.

Alas, he arrested and was cooked.

Lets see, you’re a 43 year old woman and in my ER with recurrent facial abscesses. You have celulitis all over your cheek which is very puffy. Your teeth are rotted. You have snorted massive amounts of cocaine for more than 20 years and now your entire nasal septum is gone and the resulting cavernous space is contiguous with your mouth via a coin-sized hole that has eroded in your hard palate. You are a set up for infections as food continuously ends up in your nose. Your lacrimal duct is frequently blocked and tears drain out your eye pretty much 24 hours a day. Because of the palate defect, you speak with a lisp.

Sorry if I say that I find it hard to believe that you “used to be really attractive back in the day!!!”