ER Stories

Two guys drink themselves to within 10 g/DL of 500 then drive themselves into a pole. Luckily their smash in the car was at low speed compared to how smashed they were.
They spend the night in the ER making drunken jokes in Spanish to each other.

Me: “Sir, have you been drinking?”

Mr Bacchanal: “Yeeeessshhh. *burp* Damn right I been!”

Me: “How much?”

Mr B:” However much I can get my damn hands on!!”

36 y/o female chief complaint at triage: “I forgot why I came. Gimme a minute and I’ll remember!”